So, last night’s “Stylista” wasn’t as crazy-making as usual: Muppet-with-fake-breasts Kate was sent packing, we somehow never had to see Anne Slowey stumbling around like a preschooler in Mommy’s heels and there were dogs – cute dogs! Still, last night did little to cure me of my addiction to this trainwreck of a show.

Why do I watch this show? I mean, besides because I write about it. To be completely honest, I think I’d watch it anyway. Evil is fascinating (Megan!) as is evil-in-training (Dyshaun! And he’s got more than a dash of high school bitchy.) and the slow unraveling of a seemingly normal person (Johanna) is more than a little compelling.

Last night’s humiliation task was to prep a hotel room for “supermodel” Maggie Rizer according to her contract rider. So blah blah scented candles, organic peanuts and laxative-laced hand-dipped truffles. Megan, to her credit, seemed properly annoyed and put out by this idiotic task. Then, drumroll, Maggie and Anne show up to mwah-mwah-mwah about how fabulous they are and look at the hotel rooms. This was mostly lame, except when Maggie’s two giant dogs ate stuff and one of them crapped on a carpet. Dyshaun won the task because – get this! – he kept his food items wrapped up so the dogs couldn’t get into them. Hahaha. Every once in a while this show surprises me by revealing a hidden truth about life.

So Dyshaun gets to pick the teams. He puts his bitchy idol Megan and his pinched cheek nanny Johanna on his team and sticks Ashlie (whose greatest crime is a willingness to stick up to Megan) and relentlessly buoyant Kate on the other team. The teams had to style, shoot and put together three or four pages for Elle. Both teams brownnosily go for color as a theme. ‘Cause Anne Slowey loves color! ‘Cause she’s deep. Deep like the winedark...yeah, I’m not going anywhere with that.

Team Bitchy selects a bunch of outfits that have no place outside of a kindergarten or maybe – and this is a big maybe – a Cirque de Solieil open call. Dyshaun micromanages the hair and make-up people to distraction, then sits down on the couch and bitches with Megan. Johanna, apparently exhausted from breaking Danielle’s spirit last week, just sits there like a disillusioned grad student. Hmm. Wait a minute, isn’t she?

Team Alone at the Lunch Table picks out stuff that is basically okay except for an inexplicable bikini/cape outfit. Megan is all “They’re going to win” and Johanna and Dyshaun pout. While the teams are putting their layouts together Dyshaun comes over and taunts Kate. He calls her “Chlamydia.” Seriously. Not cool. Tim and Heidi would have no truck with that nonsense. Dyshaun would have been sent home faster than you can say “Red Lobster.” So, yeah, once again “Stylista” devolves into third-grade issue personal insults and tantrums.

Anne and Joe and some other dude look at the layouts and make bizarre pronouncements. Anne does her I-think-I’m-being-enigmatic-but-really-I-look-constipated grin and then Minion Brett is sent to tell Team Bitchy that they won. Kate and Ashlie are brought in so that one of them can be told that she’s “not the right fit.” Oh, Anne, so coy! Anyhoodles, Kate is finally sent home and she pulls an act the likes of which the world has not seen since Omarosa 1.0: she tells Anne how much she hates Evil Megan and Abusive Dyshaun and Pointlessly Neurotic Johanna and how she wants Ashlie to win. Sweet, sweet Ashlie, who’s only nice to Kate because she has to be. Awwwwww.

Next week: a runway show. Seriously not kidding. “Stylista” gets negative eight thousand points for originality.

- Posted by Kate