What is this show they're calling "American Idol?" Kidding. Obviously I know what "American Idol" is. You can't live in any - well, many - parts of the United States and be totally oblivious to the show. You hear about the William Hungs and you hear about the Sanjayas. It's not the same as watching, I get that. Well, now I'm watching the show. Thanks to the perfect storm of the writers' strike and my job writing about TV, I'm an "American Idol" convert.

I've been told that the auditions are the best/worst part of "American Idol." I kinda see what everyone means. They're funny, but also disturbing. They're heart-warming, but also ridiculous.

The first thing I wonder as the shiny blue screen fades into Philadelphia is: how old is Ryan Seacrest? He's weirdly ageless looking. He could be 25. Or 45. (I looked it up. He's 33.) 82270, a.k.a. Joey, is the first singer on deck. The contestants wear numbers! It's like prison...or a marathon. Or a weird combination of prison and a marathon. Joey tells us about how he lost 200 lbs. Cool, but can he sing? The answer is yes, and the judges send him to the next round. With a "yellow golden ticket." Yes, that is what Seacrest calls it. Seacrest is sss-smart.

Youka, originally from Egypt, sings a Bee Gees song. The judges aren't buying it. An earnest basso performance of "Go Down, Moses" leaves Paula and Randy helpless with laughter. It was pretty funny. Then we cut to a montage of people singing Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'n Roll." The people who edit this show must be saints, or kindergarten teachers, or...really well compensated.

We've been getting daytime talk show-style video montages on some of the contestants, and Angela Martin's stands out for being the longest. She has a little daughter with Rett syndrome, a disease that affects nerve development. Angela is adorable, and her daughter is adorable, and her family and friends are adorable in their matching T-shirts. Okay, my  heart is officially warmed. Angela sings a Stevie Wonder song, and she's good. On to the next round for her!

Now we come to Alexis Cohen. She is in a class by herself:

She seems to take it okay when the judges tell her she's not going forward, and then...bang! A completely different personality emerges. And her mother gets in on the action. Yikes. My favorite part is when she decides she'll go out for "actressing."

On day two of the Philadelphia auditions we meet Kristy Lee Cook, an Oregonian who loves raising horses and cage fighting. She can sing - I think she's the best so far - and she's got her golden ticket. Then Tobias Funke shows up. (No, it's not really Tobias Funke, but since this guy can't sing or write songs he might want to think about doing the hipster birthday party circuit. He's already in character.) Tobias - a.k.a. Milo - sings a song of his very own. It's called "No Sex Allowed." It's very, very bad. Moving on. Paula has a stalker. He sings to her in a really creepy way. Simon tells him to get lost. Into the home stretch: Star Wars girl. She's not terrible, but she's not really a singer, either. The very last contestant, Brooke White, is a squeaky clean nanny. She makes it through, but I have to wonder if the judges are getting tired. Her voice seems kinda weak.

So that's Philadelphia. And I liked it!

- Posted by Kate